超减压！澳洲硬汉爆笑解说：动物放松! (视音频+中英全文)
乐活英伦 乐活英伦 1周前
2019年11月25日
超减压！澳洲硬汉做了个动物放松视频合辑。
地球上的动物种类数不胜数，它们的样子也是千奇百怪，有的威武霸气，有的呆萌可爱。
笑容可掬的短尾矮袋鼠、又蠢又萌的袋熊、天然水床海豹、萌到令人崩溃的树懒。
慵懒猫咪、洗澡狗狗、鹦鹉、奶牛、猫头鹰，一样都没少。
谁说澳洲野兽皆凶猛，鳄鱼都能当宠物。今天工作太烦躁？这个视频帮你解压！
澳洲硬汉解说：动物放松来自乐活英伦00:0003:11
中英全文
G'day. Welcome to Animals Relaxing. Pour yourself a beer and let the stress in your life melt away. There's a bloody misconception about Australia that our native fauna is trying to kill everyone.
大家好！欢迎收看动物减压视频合辑。倒杯啤酒，感受体内压力逐渐消失。人们对澳洲有种误解，认为这里的动物见谁杀谁。
Not true! Look at this quokka! Happy, smashing a leaf, chill AF. Wombats can be grumpy bastards. Thankfully, this fella has learnt how to manage his anger.
不是这样的!比如这只短尾矮袋鼠开开心心啃叶子，多TM放松随和。袋熊通常脾气很糟，幸好这家伙找到了排解怒气的方法。
He lays around and farts all day. That's not even a sound effect I've added, it's real! “Oh yeah. That's what I need. I feel so good... DID I SAY YOU COULD FUCKIN' STOP! Mmmm.
他无所事事，整天放屁。这不是我后期加的音效哈，真是这动静!【确实是视频原声】"哦，耶，我太需要这个了。真舒服啊...我TM让你停了吗!嗯~
That's the spice. Sorry for me outburst, work has been rough as guts lately. KAREN STOP STOPPING!" This is it. The pinnacle of Head Scratch technology.
就是这感觉，抱歉刚才对你发火。最近工作太糟心了，凯琳，别动不动就停!"终于实现了，挠头技术已经达到顶峰。
I present the iSrcatch. This kitty is making human affection redundant. Do not let this little guy's perfectly spherical and weirdly relaxing haircut fool you.
隆重为您介绍苹果挠头机，这只猫咪已经不再需要人类关爱，别被这个小家伙圆圆整整又莫名减压的发型骗了。
He is MORBIDLY depressed. “Yeah spike my hair, I want it nice and pointy at the top.Real pointy please. And can you also do a skin fade under the neck.
他其实非常抑郁，"对 把我的头发梳起来，头顶梳得尖尖的。越尖越好，谢谢啦！脖子下面能剪个渐变更好。
Yeah do a fade. I want it to look like Ronaldo, like he has that little cut in the top there, if you could do that please. Ah shit I'm falling.
对，剪个渐变效果。我想弄成C罗那样，他那个发型。如果可以的话，头顶请照他那样剪。啊，艹，我要掉下去了。
Fuck. Fuck sake! This dog is like “who left the fuckin' mull-brownies on the patio last night?” “Oh this window tastes like balls.” “Who's a dirty dog?” “Ahh me?”
我艹，艹蛋!这条狗问："昨晚谁TM把大麻布朗尼留在院子里的?""哦 这块玻璃窗舔起来像蛋蛋""谁是小脏狗啊?""呃 是我?"
“Yeah, that's right. You're a dirty nasty boy.”“I am. I am.” Seals are so relaxed they've evolved into living water beds. Squishy squish. Fuck yeah.
"对 没错，你这小脏狗真是太污了""我是 确实"海豹实在太放松，直接进化成了活体水床，又软又湿，随便挤压，太爽啦！
Jiggle its belly. You guys were right. I thought it was an insane idea to bring me, a real cow, to Burning Man, but I gotta tell you I haven't felt this good in years.
揉揉它的肚子，你们说的对。我本来觉得这主意太荒唐，带我这样一头真奶牛来参加火人节，不过不得不承认，我好久都没这么开心过了。
Can I hug you? I really wanna hug you. Whatever you gave me is making everyone huggable.” Real smacky. “Hello? Tim, is it? I'm Bruce, a fully qualified contractor.
我可以抱你吗?我好想抱抱你啊！不知道你们给我吃了什么，我现在见谁都想抱。"好货真上头。"你好，蒂姆，对吧?我是布鲁斯，能力过硬的维修工。
The lads at the head office told me you were having problems with your big pumpy thing and... er, oh excuse me. I don... I don't think that's appropriate.
总部的人跟我说，你的大水管需要维修。我... 呃，哦，不好意思，我觉得... 我觉得这不合适吧！
Like I said, I'm a fully qualified... er, oh ho hoo! Oh my belly. That feels delightful.“…so yeah, then after art school I realised, there was no real work and... oh we're stopping?
我刚说了，我是能力过硬的...呃，哦，唔!哦，挠挠肚皮，好舒服啊"当天晚些时候......对，就这样，我念完艺校之后意识到，搞艺术根本找不到工作。哦，不来了吗?
That's it, that's it? Alright, well fine. Screw you. "Yaaay! You are putting me to sleep. I don't wanna go to sleep.” There isn't really a joke here.
就这样? 就完了?好吧，成吧。滚你妈的。"啊啊啊! 你都把我哄睡着了，我才不想睡呢"这段没有玩笑可开。
Sloth's are just fair dinkum' bloody adorable. Look at the little wanker. Somewhere Kristen Bell is breaking down in tears. Definitely. Right, well, that's my video on animals in various states of relaxation.
纯粹因为树懒实在太可爱。看这小傻货，克里斯汀·贝尔肯定又被可爱哭了。【小V特别喜欢树懒 曾经看视频看到哭出来】绝对的，好的，好嘞，以上就是我做的动物不同程度放松视频小合辑。
Let's end today on this alligator proving even the most Apex of Predators enjoys a head scratch. Secretly he's thinking “as soon as the camera stops I'm gonna rip this dickhead's head off.” Uhhhh!!!
结束之前我们来看这只短吻鳄，它证明了即使是最凶猛的捕食者也喜欢头部被轻抚。鳄鱼心中暗想，“摄影机一停，我立刻咬掉这傻逼的头"。啊啊啊!!!
End
图片来自网络
视频来自 Ozzy Man Reviews
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