最红心理学家告诉你：如何选择“对的”朋友？(视音频+中英全文)
乐活英伦乐活英伦3天前
2019年12月1日
交友是一门很深奥的学问，需要我们擦亮眼睛，明辨是非，同时也使我们学会更客观地去审视自己。
加拿大最红心理学家，人称“龙虾教授”的Jordan Peterson告诉我们，交友其中很重要的一个准则就是：和希望你好的人做朋友。就是那些在你成功时能与你分享喜悦，失败时鼓励你，而不会落井下石的人。
真正的朋友懂得倾听，即便可能每个人成长环境家庭背景都不相同，但他们愿意倾听，愿意理解，愿意与你一同喜怒哀乐一起成长。与好的朋友交流，双方都会更加优秀。而另有一些人，会因内心深处的嫉妒而拖你下水，见不得别人好。这时我们就要擦亮眼睛，及时远离。
朋友可以少，但是要做正确的选择，不要一味地留恋于大把大把的人脉，而是要学会取舍。交对朋友真的很难，祝人人都能遇见真正的好朋友！
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龙虾教授谈交友法则来自乐活英伦00:0002:57
中英全文
And the next rule is to make friends with people who want the best for you. That's a meditation on my own childhood and adolescense, to some degree.
下一条人生法则就是：要和希望你好的人做朋友。某种程度上，这是我对自己童年和青少年时期的思考。
I have friends who wanted the best for me and friends who didn't. You know they were friends who... Some of them were aiming up and some of them were aiming down.
我的朋友里，有的人盼着我好，而有的人却不是。因为你知道，朋友里有些人志向高远，而有的人目标就定的很低。
If you have a friend that's aiming down and you do something that's aiming up then they are generally not that happy about it, you know they try to talk to your accomplishment with one of their own hypothetical or real or put down what you're doing.
当你有一个志向平平的朋友，而你做了些目标高远的事情，那么通常他们就不是滋味了。他们就会用假设或所谓的现实，对你的成就冷嘲热讽，或者是加以言语贬低、进行打击。
Offer you a cigarette if you're trying to quit and you've kind of done that successfully or a drink if you've been drinking too much and are trying to stop being an alcoholic or other cynical and bitter and devoted towards no good.
在你要成功戒掉烟瘾的时候，递给你根烟；在你想摆脱嗜酒如命的时候，给你一瓶酒。或者是冷言冷语、尖酸刻薄，或者其它阴暗面。
Sometimes that's family member too. Sometimes it's even part of you. But this chapter is an injunction to people is like…like you have an ethical responsibility to take care of yourself.
有的时候家人也会这样，甚至这也是你内心的一部分，但是这一章就像是对大家的一个提醒，就像在道德上，你有责任和义务照顾好自己。
You have an ethical responsibility to surround yourself with people who have the courage, faith and wisdom to wish you well when you've done something good, and to stop you when you're doing something destructive.
你就是有一种道德责任，要和那些有勇气、有信仰、有智慧，在你有所成绩的时候真心为你祝福的人交往，并且还会阻止你去做坏事。
And if your friends aren't like that, then they are not your friends and maintaining your friendships with them might not even be in their interest.
如果你的朋友做不到这样，那他们并不是你的朋友勉强维持你们间的友谊，可能有时候对他们来说也不是件好事。
So it's a tricky argument to make because I'm not saying whenever anyone is in trouble you should push them into a ditch and then give them a couple of kicks. That's not the idea.
这其实是个很棘手的问题。我不是说当有人有难，你就应该把他推进壕沟，踢他们几脚，不是这样的。
The idea is that I had a couple of rules I didn't write about. One was— be careful. Be careful about whom you share a good news with, another was, be careful about whom
you share bad news with.
正常做法是，我书中没有提及的几个法则。第一：注意选择。要注意可以和哪些人分享你的好消息；另一个是：谨慎选择你可以分享坏消息的人。
Everyone…Those rules ring in people's minds quite quickly. A friend is someone you can share good news with. You go to them and you say, “Look this good thing happened to me!” and they say：“Look, I'm so happy that that happened to you, like way to be.”
对每个人来说，这些法则很容易就记牢。真正的朋友是你可以选择分享好消息的人，你可以去找他们然后说：“我有好事发生！”他们会觉得：“我真的太为你高兴了！就应该这样的！”
And they don't think: "God damn it, why did not happen to me", like you know, "you didn't deserve it, here's a bunch of reasons you're stupid and why it won't work". That's not helpful.
而不是那些人：“尼玛，为什么不是我”、“就你也配？你就是个活生生的傻逼，真是不懂为啥不是我”。这种人有什么存在的益处吗？
So I would say if people are…the other thing people are doing if they're trying to drag you down, let's say, they're trying to see if you'll put up with it.
所以还想说的是，如果有人，他们还想拉你下水，想看你的反应，能不能承受得住。
Because they have this idea that maybe life isn't worth living in, things aren't good and that if they can besmirch…
因为他们会有这种想法，觉得人生没有价值了，一切都很糟糕，如果他们可以玷污…
Let's say to use an archaic term, something that's pristine in good, then they demonstrate to themselves that there is no true ideal and that there's no necessary reason to be responsible and to strive forward.
让我们用个古老的词，淳朴的高尚。他们会向自己证明，没什么真正的高尚，没什么必要去承担责任、积极向前。
So they use you as a test case, just push you down into the low lobster bin and see how you respond, if you put up with it, then yeah, my cynicism is fully justified.
他们就把你当做个一个试验品，引诱你堕落，看你该如何回应。你要是妥协了，那好，我的愤世嫉俗就是完全合理的。
So that's chapter three, it's a painful chapter because it also details the suicide of one of my friends which occurred over a very long period of time, not the actual suicide but all the prodrome to it. So it's a contentious chapter…
这就是我书中的，第三条人生法则。这是很痛苦的一章，因为它也记录了我一位朋友的自杀过程，持续了很长的一段时间。不是真正的自杀行为，而是自杀的前部征兆。总的来说，非常有争议的一个章节。
视频来自 HowTo Academy